I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is my gift to your gina
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
