Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
