i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
