There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
