I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
