she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize