and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
