I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
