He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Randomize
