At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
