is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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