If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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