So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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