oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
