so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
