Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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