we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
