I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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