We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
