...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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