So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
