A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
