Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
