you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
