I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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