I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
