What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
