I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
