I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
