Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
