Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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