those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Green mimosas i think yes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
