no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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