I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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