I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
