all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
