Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
