did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
