I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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