dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
