I want to stick my p in your. b.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
this hospital has no fireball
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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