Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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