I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
