You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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