i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
