he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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