just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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