just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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