Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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