Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
