Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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