Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
