Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
People in love make me want to vomit
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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