Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
