But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
