we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
