Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
