Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
