can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
