Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
