Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize