I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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