i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
