some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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