I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
