If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
