I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
