I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
