How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
