i may or may not be watching the land before time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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