Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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