you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
